you can't scream at me loud enough or drown me in enough of your spit to make me forget. your preaching doesn't do this one any good. you won't know the resolution this time. and i'm sorry that you feel helpless and impotent. i'm jaded and down and borderline self-destructive. i'm studying escapism and getting better all the time. but i'm starting to believe that there is no escape from this one. there are so many things that i want to do but can't, and so many things that i can do but won't. i am not strong-willed or ambitious. i just want to be free and happy. fuck the ladder. just give me a window sill with a nice view and i'll hold the ladder for everyone else. but this standing around won't do. i can't move my legs.

maybe i should learn to play guitar.