i was at the grocery store yesterday morning with my mom. i'll pause here for you to finish laughing. anyway, i had on my rock star sunglasses (in the parking lot. i'm not so creepy that i would wear them inside). and there was this really hot blonde. hot. so hot. oh sorry...anyway, i looked over at her and she was looking at me and smiling. so naturally, me being the overpowering womanizer that i am, i immediately panicked and looked the other way. i mean, let's think about my situation here. i'm with my mom. i have no job. no car. i'm a college dropout. and the only reason i look even remotely attractive is because i have my sunglasses on. so i gave her a second to get it out of her system and realize that i wasn't going for it. i turned around and looked at her again and she was still looking at me and smiling. did i mention she was so hot? so so so hot. so like any red-blooded american 21 year old guy, i smiled back and tried to speak. you know, i could've sworn that i knew english, but if i had had to prove it right then and there, i would've been caught in a red handed lie. i may as well have clicked like those people in africa. oom doba click clikc click. i did manage to get a "hello" out. but i couldn't have gone any farther than that if my life had depended on it. but it was all good because she said hello back and then asked me a question. i thought "ok, i like this game. now i say something."

the rule seems simple, am i right? leave it to good ol' jon stamos to break the rules in a game that has only one. but then, she asked me again! can you imagine? hot girls don't give guys like me 2nd chances to pick them up. so i answered. "sure, i'll help you carry it." she said thank you and i displayed my masculinity by turning red and shaking under the weight of a humongous bag of dog food. i mean what kind of dog did this chick have? anyway, she didn't seem to notice. so i asked her what her name was. michelle. my name was jon, i think. then the unthinkable happened. she thanked me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. i had to be blushing. i always blush. anyway, to make a fake story short, i got her number and we had red hot sex that very night. the end.

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