am i going crazy?

i've actually seriously entertained, on multiple occasions mind you, the idea of joining the military.

i don't want to stay around here and get some crap job in a grocery store.

i presented the idea to my parents. my dad didn't say son you're fucking high. his response was "good."

which kinda doesn't work in the military's favor. i've got this whole thing where i don't want to give my dad any satisfaction pertaining to my life. but that's just being petty so i'll put that aside for the moment.

what if i did? i'm really bony and wussy. i look terrible with no hair. i hate people yelling at me. there's a war brewing and i'm not really fond of breathing in mustard gas and crying for help to people who don't speak my language.

of course, it would get me in shape. i would come out a little more grown up. but what a sucky way to grow up.

i don't know. i'm torn. i mean, i love my country and all. well, let me take that back. i love the rights and privileges that i have in this country. i don't particularly love the country as a whole. just those parts. anyway, i think i would fight to keep my rights and privileges. i don't know if i'd fight to defend america's honor or some bullshit like that. i think we lost that a long time ago. there's also the fact that my generation wasn't raised to have convictions about things like that. a generation of kids that don't care. and well, let's just face the fact, i'm part of that generation. but would the military instill that in me?

do i want that instilled in me?

i just dont see myself growing up here without something drastic happening. i think the military would be drastic enough.

i think i just want some structure. i'm sick of being lazy, irresponsible, out of shape, and scared of life. that's not how i'm going to live my life. but the military?

i don't think so. or do i?

this will require much more thought and alot more mental deterioration before i come up with an answer.

current music: the good life