i want it back. i gave it to you in my weakness and now i want it back.

it's too late now anyway.

it's always too late.

this isn't working. i thought i was strong. i thought i could be ok on my own. i thought i could stay in flight and never miss a beat. but now i look back and realize i don't even have wings. He was holding me. and now i'm laying on the ground, my father poking me with a stick and crying over my betrayal. and pride rises from my muddy skin and thickens the air, troubling my breathing and clouding the sun. this isn't working, and i don't know how to make it work. i'm on my knees, but only because i can't stand on my own. i don't pray because i can't. i don't pray because i won't. and that scares me. i've memorized every speck of dirt on the ground around me and still i refuse to look up.

and good intentions won't fix it. regret won't fix it. "sorry" won't fix it. i won't fix it. i've proven the wrong point. i've betrayed my original theory. i really can't make it on my own.

i guess i just had to find out the hard way.

current music: hot water music