ok.

today was better. i boiled. i stewed. i ripped things off of my wall. i cussed alot. i decided to forget a few people. came to the conclusion that i'm probably never going to be a writer. i know in my heart that i don't have what it takes, and i'm fine with that. if i'm not meant to be a writer then there's something else out there that will be even better. i've been struggling with it for a long time, and last night i just decided that it wasn't meant to be. i'll still write of course. i'll always write. i love doing it. i just don't have what it takes to be professional.

i don't have to be a writer.

who said i had to be a writer? it was so much pressure. my writing will probably get even better now that i'm not out to impress everybody.

it's not so much giving up. it's more like letting go.

and today i feel better. i feel better because i came to a breaking point last night. i feel better because everything feels new and untangled. i don't have botched plans anymore. i don't have any plans at all. sometimes all it takes to put you back on your feet is crawling back to the starting point.

"it's only when we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."