it doesn't matter where i go or who i'm with. it doesn't matter how i try to get away. it doesn't matter how cool i try to be. it doesn't matter how many cool cds or movies i buy. it doesn't matter that i have the rocket summer on vinyl. it doesn't matter that i have the coolest belt buckle i've ever seen. it doesn't matter that i've found the hairstyle that makes me look the best. it doesn't matter that i have a fast car. it doesn't matter that i live with 3 of the coolest guys i've ever known. it doesn't matter that i'm in the city that i love the best. it doesn't matter that i'm going back to my home - lee university. it doesn't matter that my managers have their eye on me for promotion. it doesn't matter that i'm intelligent or funny or whatever else you might like to think about me. it doesn't matter. period.

it doesn't matter because i don't have the only thing that matters. happiness. correction - joy. happiness is temporary. joy is a state of mind. none of the great things that have happened to me in the past few months mean anything to me. it's all just stuff. it's all fluff. there's no substance. i thought being here would make me happy. it hasn't. nothing has.

so what do i do now?

yeah, yeah...i know.

drugs.

...

...

...

...

kidding.