i went grocery shopping by myself tonight for the first time in ages. i went grocery shopping for food that i actually need for survival. for sustenance. a good feeling for a former shut-in mooching off of his parents who so tolerantly went into overtime for him.

out on my own now sort of. applying for school. summer session. gotta get back on my feet. gotta start my life. gotta be a 22 year old. i feel the blood rushing back to my face as i conjur a real smile. an honest to goodness smile. the warmth of self-satisfaction. the triumph of putting one foot in front of the other. using muscles that had long since forgotten their purpose.

speaking of purposes - i'm on the road to discovering mine once again. this is the motivation i need. the rolling ball, if you will.

and i will.