we should all change our identities and move to wisconsin. then we could just be everyday americans with regular bowel movements and a decent football team. we could start a dairy farm and make cheese. (i hope all of you are lactose intolerant! except, you know, people i like.)

or we could all go see a therapist and dig up these roots, wash them off, and plant them in better soil. we could do that.

that, we could do.