i feel invisible. nobody ever sees me and half the time i don't even see myself. and i thought for a long time that was how i wanted it to be. but now it's just tiring. and lonely. i've been here entirely too long with nowhere else to go. i've got money. i've got a car. i've got two good eyes, two good legs, two good arms, and two good ears. i've got family. and that's about it. i suppose i should consider myself fortunate. my list of haves and have-nots is more balanced than alot of other people's. but there's one item on that have-not list that's been nibbling at me for about a year now. friends. i feel as though i lost them all the second i moved away. and in a way i did. i thought i was going to go right back as soon as my illnesses were treated. i thought normalcy would resume without a hitch. of course, it never did. i'm not going back to lee. at least not for school. i'll visit, but it won't be the same. i'll be hanging out with people i once knew as family, but are now warm memories. and i know they'll always be my friends to some extent, but they don't see me when i fall down anymore. they don't tell me everything's going to be ok because they don't know that it isn't.

i'll never fit in here, even though i've changed considerably since leaving school. like i said, i'm invisible. but if i could just not be lonely for awhile, i could handle the invisibility.

unfortunately, the two never go hand in hand.