what to do? what to do?

i want to go back. but should i?

that is the question - what i should do, not what i want to do. what i want to do is clear. yes, i have established this firmly in my mind.

but do i want to go back because i'm afraid of life, or do i want to go back because i think it's what i should do? to be honest, i don't know. but i'm sick of thinking about it and worrying about it. so i'm probably going to go back because it's the easiest thing to do. i've grown quite accustomed to taking the easy way out and i'm not ready to change. i know i have to and i'm fine with that, but i'm not ready yet. i'm not ready to grow up yet, and not going back to school will force me into adulthood. i'll have to get a steady job and move out on my own and be a functioning member of society. a taxpayer. a potential layoff victim.

school is my last defense against growing up. i know it's starting to get flimsy, but when it finally breaks down i'll simply have to bite the bullet and be a man.

but not yet.

not yet.