i have alot to talk about, but since this diary usually comes back to bite me in the ass, i'll refrain from talking about certain topics.

so God and i...we used to have this thing going on where i'd hang out with him and he'd help me out with things and it was really cool. but recently i haven't really been around. i've been thinking about it alot lately, that and the other thing i won't mention, and i just don't know what to think about christianity anymore. i want to have a relationship with God. i want to believe in him, but i just don't know what to believe about him. i can't just turn my back on him completely because he's the last thing i have left of myself. i don't know who i am or what i'm supposed to be doing and i've changed alot over the past few years, so much so that i've lost my identity along the way. but the one thing that's remained constant is my relationship with God, at least until recently. i can't drop the last thing left of myself and expect to be alright. i just can't. so i'm going to try.